April 16, 2009

Just got home from my interview. 

It was… one of the more nerve racking experiences of my life. I am usually quite good on the spot.With questions that is. I am very good at talking about myself, ha, can you tell? I usually have many answers when it comes to things of and about myself, and I can expres them in clear thorough sentences.

Not today. Today was a different kind of Aimee. As I turned the corner and saw the Gerrit Rietveld, I smiled. I thought to myself I remember when this was just some crazy idea I had. To go back to school, abroad. I remember seeing this exact sign on the internet 8 months ago and thinking… cool. Here I am walking up to it. I was really excited and happy at that exact moment. 

Then something hit me. As I climbed those stairs I tried to remember answers I had thought of to some of the questions they were going to ask me. I went blank. I could not remember things. Things about my own work! I thought, what will I tel them when they ask me ” Why do you choose the Rietveld” All I could think of was…” I have a hundred reasons as to why this will make me a better photographer to go here… but I cant think of them right at this second.” ” And tell us Aimee, how would you describe the body of work you have before us” “Uhm. It’s pretty to me?” ” I like the way I feel when I take photographs”  No No aimee those are not proper answers get some guts say something you really feel.

I have not been able to be too philisophical with my work, or in general lately. How philisocphical can one be about the photographs they take? I take them because I like them, I love what I see in front of me. There… that answer I could build from. What is it in front ofme that I actually like? Then I started to think of suitable answers to my questions. All of this inside my head mind you.

There stood 3 other students. Younge, my age I would presume. Cute too. A cute danish girl, and a boy, he looked british. He said to me” Are you here for photography interview?” I said yes, and we all sat and waited patiently.

My fingers were moving rapidly. I have never been so nervous! I could not hold still. I was taking deep breaths. I was a wreck, I thought.” I can’t do this, I cant, I have to go, maybe I could jsut walk out now, no one wil really notice Im sure this kind of things happns all the time, you know people missing the interview. I could say my plane never landed, I was stuck on the wrong bus for 2 days. No no… I would do it. Then it seemed like 100 people came up the stairs. In reality it was like 10. All tall, handsome looking people, well dressed, carrying notebooks. AH. It was well dressed scary monsters to me. They asked out names. I let out a ” yes” after Aimee was called. They said. You first. Oh joy, perfect.

So in a walked. It was well lit with natural light, and there were three rooms all laid out parellel to each other. we all stood in the middle room then they said Put your portfolios on that table for us to see. I said okay. And walked over. They took the room farthest from me and they all went in and closed the door. 

I saw this huge black table. it was so long. I thought wow, so much space for two small portfolios. Shit, what if I put them in a place they don’t want them. Do they want them open or closed. Should I start at the table of contents or the first photograph? So many choices, so many decision for such a small request. Again, thinking, Im a bloody wreck. So I set it up right in the middle, then pulled them to the edge so that they could reach them and not have to reach across the table. I must have opened the book 4 different times before settling on keeping it at the table of contents. 

What were they talking about in there? It was taking them forever. I paced the floor. Looked out the window. I tried to have a zen moment. Anything right now please something inside of me pull it together. Thank god I was wearing a jacket Im sure I had armpit sweat the size of texas. Then I noticed I was staring at the corner of the room. Like a child who has pulled up a girls skirt  upand was now paying the consequence. Ah, dont look like that Aimee, turn around be presentable! You are strong fierce lady women with impeccable work, and might I add I love the outfit I am wearing.  This was my mantra I chanted. 

They piled in all of them into the tiny room, me even tinier. 

They had known a bit about me. One man started out with saying ” You are from America” Yes I said. ” You are 23, yes I said. Then I remembered I had written a long letter to them to go in the front of my portfolio with all of the right things I wanted to say in the letter! AH! Justice! They have re-read my letter, that is what they must have been doing. Oh letter… I love thee. I love how you are not nervous letter! You said everything correct in that letter. Then they asked me several questions, which I think I sid something correct too. They all took turns flipping through my book rapidly. They asked me what series I liked best. I did not really have a certain answer for that. NOTHING was certain for me at these moments let me tell you! I was a mixture of words, and smiles, and eye brows lifted. I think i said correct things. I made some of them smile, thats good eh? Some of the dutch words are different in english. One of them, he was very close to me when he asked me this question. I remember this moment clearly. This man with big glasses, staring at me while touching my portfolio. Saying, ” How would you like this work displayed? If you could display it any way you like.” I thought um? Displayed? Like what format, what paper? foam? Cardboard? on a wall? in a gallery? in a house? what if my photographs made the walls of a house, ! Ah&^$^$#@. I was confused. I said, Uhm I do not understand? Displayed? like in a gallery? I believe i said this exactly, then eh said yes, I said, probably side by side the way they are here. Dumb, probably a dumb answer. I do not know. Whatever he moved on, that was enough for him. Then the man who had smile at me kindly said,” Well I think I have a good feeling.” This in dutch terms means I get a good understandment of what you and your work are about. He asked if everyone else did. They nodded looked at my book for 10 seconds more, and I smiled and he said. “We will send you a letter in 2 weeks letting you know of our decision.” ” Great, I said… Thank you.”

I picked up my belongings, headed for the door, and thought to myself, ” Now I remember why people take up smoking cigarettes”

3 Responses to “Interview”

  1. hannah Says:

    aimee! we are finally finished running around (for a week – hah) and i’m getting a chance to sit down and read your trip time fun! it sounds like you were charming and i reckon you will no doubt be welcomed with open arms into their school! how exciting! i miss you terribly 😦 august! you must come in august! i love you. congratulations!

  2. shane Says:

    it sounds like it went smashing, if you ask me! i cant wait to visit you in amsterdam!

  3. Rebecca Says:

    i have a good feeling!


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